Divorce and Separation
Center for Advice
Email: info@dasca.org.uk
Divorce and Separation
Centre for Advice
Once you have made that decision consider how to inform your children, this will be as tough on them as it is on you.
Firstly it is most important to ascertain whether the relationship has truly reached that point of no return. It is not just the financial implications that have to be considered, but the impact on children and how the separation will affect them. Quite often children become the biggest victims when their parents separate, most will experience similar mixed emotions and they too will need both reassurance and support.
When you are in a relationship with someone it can be difficult to see the cause of the problems you have it becomes easy to accept these smaller issues without addressing them, which in turn can develop into more significant problems. These problems have built up over time and as you become embroiled in daily routine, work children and other activities they have become something you just not prepared in facing up too. Obviously the fear of being alone or the disruption separating will have for everyone concerned is going to be daunting to say the least.
Quite often, the relationship feels like you just go through the motions with your partner without much interaction or communication and this can feel quite daunting. This can be due to external pressures of life, difficulties at work or not having enough time with each other because of the children and their activities, maybe that feeling of love and romance has disappeared which is cause of your wanting to separate. There are many factors which will have an impact on relationships; these could be due to health implications, financial burdens, redundancy, bereavement and quiet often just feeling unloved. Whatever the reasons pause for a while and remember how you felt when you first met, and the love you once felt for each other. Is this something you wish to rekindle or rebuild? Then counselling or relationship guidance could be your first step.
Relationship counselling is a process where you can see things more objectively whilst allowing you to explore your own feelings. Here you can get a clearer picture as to whether your relationship may actually be worth saving.
Alternatively they can give you an idea as what things to expect if you do decide to separate.
If you have already tried to resolve matters without success or their more serious factors relating to your separation then obviously the decision has been made to separate. It is most important to recognise your own personal safety and that of your children when considering divorce, and that should never be compromised.
Children are the most crucial element in a divorce, and they should never be asked to take sides or be used in form of negotiation in these matters. Speak to CAFFCASS who will help with any interim access issues which facilitate any resident or access orders made by the courts at a later stage. There is also a useful guide on their website called a parenting plan.
A counsellor can discuss what they feel could some options to rebuild your relationship by looking at ways of either reducing or containing the difficulties you are experiencing together.
This is a massively important decision, so getting it right is paramount. There are many factors to consider, children, finances, relocation, how the separation will affect schooling, your circumstances at work, and the other members of the family. This is not a decision that is made in the heat of an argument.
Making that decision is never going to be easy and this will always be much more difficult when there are children involved.
Additionally it’s equally important to remember that a staying together for the sake of the children is not going to be in their best interests.
If you are in any danger or are at risk from abuse, or are a victim of forced marriage get help now.
There are several organisations that are there to help.
Even if you feel that there is no other alternative other than to separate, it may still be useful to seek the advice of a relationship as this may help you resolve any underlying issues. At the very least it will help you to understand and better appreciate your partner’s point of view.
If you are experiencing difficulties in communicating with your partner, this will only hugely increase once you have taken steps to get divorced.
Even if this just helps to contain some of the differences and just find an easier way of getting on with your lives. Anything you can do to settle your differences will help lessen the burden of separating as well as reducing the cost associated with getting divorced.
Get the right advice.
